Love myself because kids | Ramblin' & Amblin' | Oct 26, 2026

one more is there was a period I mentioned about the reading Marcus Aurelius's minutes being just the right level of focus and attention that I could muster at that period where I was going through some stuff and one of the things that's you know the imposter syndrome to me is a symptom of love is a certain amount of self-loathing or hatred and you know call that low self-esteem but I think it's a little more than that but there was a realization I had this is where you know having kids has its advantages is that um I'm my oldest daughter who you know just absolute light of my life for three children they're all amazing truly I love them and uh and uh and everybody that meets them also loves them except for a few haters but that's always life but um really really grateful for who they are and that is part of what helps me is that um recognizing that's um if I hate myself so this is a paradox if I hate myself and I'm standing alone and I can look back at the people that hurt me um and that maybe they're in me and I'm angry at them and I'm angry at myself that's one thing but when you have a child and you see yourself in them and they see themselves in you it means that there's a portion of you that's them and uh I can never hate them I can never never hate that but that's a predicament that's a predicament I hate myself well I would never allow somebody to hate my my daughter my son my other daughter um you know and I didn't say which one so you can pick and choose guys if you ever listen to this um is that I saw in myself something I didn't like and I resented and I felt guilt and frustration my own inability to create the life that I wanted do the things I thought I needed to do and it was just failure after failure after failure and I internalized all that so much and I hated myself that I had to look at these kids and I had to be like they're in me and I'm in them so that means that if I hate myself then that means I'm also hating them because they're in me and I'm in them you know so if I hate my own self but I love them and there's them in me and I hate myself then that is abhorrent and unacceptable because I can never hate them and therefore I have to love myself and uh like I love them and that there was awareness that I am in them and I love them so therefore I have to love myself in the same way as I love them because I'm in them as well so it was just kind of this logical chain I had to walk myself through to it wasn't perfect but it was kind of a um awakening sorry I just kind of stumbled there maybe not the word I want to use but um it was it was I logic to myself into a predicament where I couldn't talk myself into my actual perception my failures my shortcomings how much I've hurt people how much I've hurt myself how much I've blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah that has nothing to do with them but the simple rudimentary fact is I'm in them and they're in me and I can never hate them that is a mortal sin to me an absolute um abomination that I would never allow so that means I have to figure out a way to love myself not easy to do not easy to do I'm a pretty tough person to love um but I must persist because if I hurt myself I hurt them physically and just the fact that they're in me and I can never bring harm to them so I can't bring harm to myself must not bring harm to myself so in a way you can you can logic yourself into uh into a new frame of mind at least I could it wasn't perfect but it's worked quite quite well overall and bringing me closer to them working through my own bullshit do I have a ton of bullshit that is constantly leaking out yeah I'm a damaged person I am I am not an ideal by any stretch of the imagination and I'm over with that but I gotta stop beating myself up too as if I can hype my kids up and I can see how amazing they are and how grateful I am for my wife she's put up more of me than anybody and she's in them too even more than me and if we're both in them and we both love them then nothing nothing is impossible I mean you know what I mean I don't mean Superman I mean survival climbing away I may not have it now but at least I have an orientation marker recognizing my presence in others particularly my children who are an absolute part of bidirectionally but it extends to all people as hard as it is and sometimes the people that we don't like are you know an aspect that we just don't like I don't know I don't know about the answers all I know is that I'm in my kids my kids are in me and my wife is in our kids and our kids are in my wife so how can I do anything but love them love myself I hope other people have a way to find that too just got to find a way to just got to find a way to build up a case logical argument that you can't refute because this is as real as this tree here all right Thanks. Bye.