A little over two years ago I found out that my family was growing. I did the logical thing and broke down in tears. Then I realized something: I needed to take this seriously. This was no longer only work I enjoyed. It was also a responsibility to build a sustainable life and think about the legacy I wanted to leave.
I’m speaking to the future father’s here. No offense to the mothers, but I can’t honestly speak to your experiences or needs. I’m not a woman. That’s a biological fact, no inferences of sexism required.
To the future father’s of the software community these are the things that I’ve learned over the past three years.
[These are all my opinions and personal lessons. Take them with a grain of salt and a healthy service of perspective.]
Slow down. That project can wait. You don’t need to spend anytime during those first critical months even thinking about anything other than status quo. Look at your baby. This is one period of time where I completely think the “40-20″ rule does *NOT* apply. Forty hours and then the rest spent sharing Mom’s burden and staring at your amazing little Increment-by-one.
Take assessment. Your time will become more precious than you realize. Do you really need to play World of Warcraft? Seriously, think about this. Your skills now are responsible for more than just earning money to buy Bawls and Manga. You are going to have to maintain and grow your career to pay for that little spawned process. Spend what little time you have leveling up YOUR character, not some avatar or video game. You’re a Dad now.
Find small tools that make the transition easier. A little play, a little patience, and a willingness to change the plan can preserve sanity when family life interrupts study.
Let go. I used to get very frustrated when I would get interrupted when I was reading or studying some new technique. Now you have a new human who will interrupt you like a nagging PM could only dream of. But you love this little distractionater, so it’s okay. She needs you more than some open source.
Be patient! The hard time is the first six months to one year. You will get time again.
[edit: This post ended a little abruptly. As the inspiration for this article let me know that it was time for "Ap, Ap, Ap.!" and Baby-smash began slightly before Babysmash! could actually be launched. :)]